Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
