I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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