Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
