talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
