Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
