u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
