If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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