You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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