don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
birth control should be required to get into college
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
