SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's official drugs can't kill me
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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