ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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