I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
