Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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