it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
