can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i would punch a child for taco bell
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
