I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
