I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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