apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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