Having a random hookup so left but love u
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
