he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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