you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
