I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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