I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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