Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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