he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I didn't notice because vodka
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
