ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
