If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
