one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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