the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
where are you?
Hypothermia
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
how does that bad decision feel?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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