I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
