my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
