so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
