I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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