I think i peed on brittanys purse
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
