He kissed a someone with a penis
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
