i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
