Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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