I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You took a bar mat shot.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
