Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
