Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
