she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize