What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
