Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
