I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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