Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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