there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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