Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
