There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You need a sexual gate keeper
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
