I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You work out of a Hotel?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
