I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
