I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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