he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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