I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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