he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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