I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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