dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
