I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
