my vag is so smooth its legendary
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
