There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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