Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
