I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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