and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
