You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
But break dance skills will only take you so far
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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